responsibility

header: letterhead.

ever wonder when is the right time to helm responsibility? i always do. when i was in uni, i wondered when should be the perfect timing for me to step up and lead. (most of the time, inadvertly, i led the team anyway).

when we're wondering about responsibilities, you actually buying yourself more time. i bought myself more time during university days by wondering. just when the deadline of taking that responsibility came, i just took it and whined about it. its because i feel that everybody should share the responsibilities, and the main reason was simply because, i was not that prepared. i was afraid of the outcomes.

yes, that is why we love to wonder when in the process of taking responsibilities. making decisions also involve taking this big R word. personally, im always afraid of taking the R, especially being the leader. you're just afraid, that the outcomes are not as up to par as the others. people are counting on you!

my parents arent getting younger. they're getting that older, day by day. i feel the need to take the responsibility a little. you know, not too much of course! haha. young at heart!

you know what, im starting to think God has His unique ways of helping me buying the time for responsibility. i've been jobless for the past 2 months or so (since my final result came out), and through hell ive been. =) but as i got calmer, my mind got more clearer, my thinking much straighter. the R towards my own life, my parents, my faith, my job (future), all laid in front of me. and it scares me sometimes. no joke.

when will the job offer come? how much should i give to my parents? how much should i save? how to balance work and spiritual needs? zakat fitrah? should i think about love life now or focus on my career first? how long should i save up and how much in order for me to buy a new car? and a house? questions after questions.

i did some planning, to ease myself of this agitatedness, but all in all, i just have to wait. sponsor? yes yes. they're annoying as hell, being late and stuff. but at the same time, having the privilege of sitting in their shoes before this during intern, i somehow still respect them. gosh i have the patience. i can of course, splash them with my colourful choices of words, not to mention fast tongue, but that doesnt change the fact that basically i got free education because of their financial assistance! but i wont stop grumping about them anyway, just so you know.

so the big R. i cant believe, i have to take it now. my brothers have taken it; how they'd fair i'll discuss maybe in the future (maybe AFTER i have taken the R!). patience, patience!

ps: its been one week BB went to repair. i called the shop, and the person who picked it up...oh my. i spoke in english, he didnt get me. i changed to bahasa, STILL he didnt get me. animated through voice, that's an achievement. huhu. i am praying HARD that the phone will be in pristine condition. please, be fast in repairing it.