no wonder my blog seems not updated.
i accidently updated it on my last blog! hahahaha.
itsokay, too many stuff going on, mostly emo enducing, that i will break the rules i put on myself on NOT TO WRITE EMO STUFF ANYMORE will be broken.
pape nant baru cite.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
the update
Alhamdulillah…
After waiting for more than 3 months (gosh that is long!), my prayer has been answered. Thank you Allah, syukur!
I will start working today (Wednesday), and have to be there by 8am.
What do I feel as of now? I feel anxious, afraid and excited at the same time. Anxiety kicks in because of doing something that will change and dictate where I go in my life (career bebeh). Afraid because I will be meeting new people and I am not sure whether I will fit in, as I am rather an introvert person; I need time to warm up to people. Excited because I will be meeting new people and this statement is contradictory to afraid. Fml.
So, the notion of raya holiday will not be there, as I had expected if I got selected. And I got selected yahoo? Haha. Yes, there will be no extra holiday for me, and I have to be back in KL on Sunday. And and and, the best part is, the whole family will be having the 1st raya in KL as well (Friday). How fun can that be? *sarcasm*
Please, no duit raya from me, as I have no money and my 1st paycheck will only be available by the end of September which is way far ahead and stop thinking about it because I cannot provide you the money but my parents could and so do my brothers including my sister in law and I hope I will it from them too although it seems that I will get only the boot from them as I am already working. Blarhg.
Again, alhamdulillah syukur.
Ps: will blog more about this later as I need to catch my forty winks!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Waiting (for the longest amount of time!)
ramadhan : the perfect month to exercise our patience level.
as people who read this blog know, i am currently the best unemployed man in ampang. (im going to scale myself to ampang only because in the world seems so far fetched!). and based on my previous blog (which i'll probably bury in 1 month's time), so much had been going on around the scope of obtaining jobs etc. a lot of decisions, a lot of stress for sure, and at the end of the day, i lost and i went emo.
the emo-ness is in the healing process (thank god, kan?), but the scar is still there. i've been isolating myself pretty well, unpertubed by my parents and siblings as i just dont feel the fairness of my condition. and basically im just waiting for them to call me (P**).
i've clocked three months, THREE months of doing nothing that generates income. i am at my wit's end; my bank accounts are depleting, the notion of duit raya is impossible as im no longer studying, and i feel bad having my dad giving me money for me to run my daily life!
please please please, CALL ME. QUICKLY. next week, monday. please? dear Allah, im praying real hard for this,and i;ve been waiting for so long, im hoping it will turn out fine.
ameen.
ps: am thinking of deleting that old blog. tengoklaa.
Friday, August 13, 2010
responsibility
header: letterhead.
ever wonder when is the right time to helm responsibility? i always do. when i was in uni, i wondered when should be the perfect timing for me to step up and lead. (most of the time, inadvertly, i led the team anyway).
when we're wondering about responsibilities, you actually buying yourself more time. i bought myself more time during university days by wondering. just when the deadline of taking that responsibility came, i just took it and whined about it. its because i feel that everybody should share the responsibilities, and the main reason was simply because, i was not that prepared. i was afraid of the outcomes.
yes, that is why we love to wonder when in the process of taking responsibilities. making decisions also involve taking this big R word. personally, im always afraid of taking the R, especially being the leader. you're just afraid, that the outcomes are not as up to par as the others. people are counting on you!
my parents arent getting younger. they're getting that older, day by day. i feel the need to take the responsibility a little. you know, not too much of course! haha. young at heart!
you know what, im starting to think God has His unique ways of helping me buying the time for responsibility. i've been jobless for the past 2 months or so (since my final result came out), and through hell ive been. =) but as i got calmer, my mind got more clearer, my thinking much straighter. the R towards my own life, my parents, my faith, my job (future), all laid in front of me. and it scares me sometimes. no joke.
when will the job offer come? how much should i give to my parents? how much should i save? how to balance work and spiritual needs? zakat fitrah? should i think about love life now or focus on my career first? how long should i save up and how much in order for me to buy a new car? and a house? questions after questions.
i did some planning, to ease myself of this agitatedness, but all in all, i just have to wait. sponsor? yes yes. they're annoying as hell, being late and stuff. but at the same time, having the privilege of sitting in their shoes before this during intern, i somehow still respect them. gosh i have the patience. i can of course, splash them with my colourful choices of words, not to mention fast tongue, but that doesnt change the fact that basically i got free education because of their financial assistance! but i wont stop grumping about them anyway, just so you know.
so the big R. i cant believe, i have to take it now. my brothers have taken it; how they'd fair i'll discuss maybe in the future (maybe AFTER i have taken the R!). patience, patience!
ps: its been one week BB went to repair. i called the shop, and the person who picked it up...oh my. i spoke in english, he didnt get me. i changed to bahasa, STILL he didnt get me. animated through voice, that's an achievement. huhu. i am praying HARD that the phone will be in pristine condition. please, be fast in repairing it.
ever wonder when is the right time to helm responsibility? i always do. when i was in uni, i wondered when should be the perfect timing for me to step up and lead. (most of the time, inadvertly, i led the team anyway).
when we're wondering about responsibilities, you actually buying yourself more time. i bought myself more time during university days by wondering. just when the deadline of taking that responsibility came, i just took it and whined about it. its because i feel that everybody should share the responsibilities, and the main reason was simply because, i was not that prepared. i was afraid of the outcomes.
yes, that is why we love to wonder when in the process of taking responsibilities. making decisions also involve taking this big R word. personally, im always afraid of taking the R, especially being the leader. you're just afraid, that the outcomes are not as up to par as the others. people are counting on you!
my parents arent getting younger. they're getting that older, day by day. i feel the need to take the responsibility a little. you know, not too much of course! haha. young at heart!
you know what, im starting to think God has His unique ways of helping me buying the time for responsibility. i've been jobless for the past 2 months or so (since my final result came out), and through hell ive been. =) but as i got calmer, my mind got more clearer, my thinking much straighter. the R towards my own life, my parents, my faith, my job (future), all laid in front of me. and it scares me sometimes. no joke.
when will the job offer come? how much should i give to my parents? how much should i save? how to balance work and spiritual needs? zakat fitrah? should i think about love life now or focus on my career first? how long should i save up and how much in order for me to buy a new car? and a house? questions after questions.
i did some planning, to ease myself of this agitatedness, but all in all, i just have to wait. sponsor? yes yes. they're annoying as hell, being late and stuff. but at the same time, having the privilege of sitting in their shoes before this during intern, i somehow still respect them. gosh i have the patience. i can of course, splash them with my colourful choices of words, not to mention fast tongue, but that doesnt change the fact that basically i got free education because of their financial assistance! but i wont stop grumping about them anyway, just so you know.
so the big R. i cant believe, i have to take it now. my brothers have taken it; how they'd fair i'll discuss maybe in the future (maybe AFTER i have taken the R!). patience, patience!
ps: its been one week BB went to repair. i called the shop, and the person who picked it up...oh my. i spoke in english, he didnt get me. i changed to bahasa, STILL he didnt get me. animated through voice, that's an achievement. huhu. i am praying HARD that the phone will be in pristine condition. please, be fast in repairing it.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
happy fasting!
yosh!
its the time of the year again, ramadhan. frankly, of late, i showed indifference even when ramadhan approaching. i just go with my life because i was just very engrossed in thinking bout career, interviews, and graduation. but now when im in ramadhan itself, it feels real.
this year, im trying to have more efforts in ramadhan. i was pretty lost, and i talked a lot to myself these past few months. not good. in need of social life, AS well as spiritual life. plus i definitely in need to work on my emo-ness, right? hehe.
this blog is known to very few. and trust me, VERY few. =P because for the obvious > i trust these few NOT to share it unknowingly to others. [please honour this =)] oh plus i tend to rant here a lot, just about everything. and not everything should be known by everybody. :P
today, i went for terawikh. whew, quite nice to be frank. and off i went to guardian to purchase oxy cleanser. oh the salesgirl, she looks very warm! manis muka, kata org melayu. and suddenly a kitten came in. to be frank, the kitten was cuter. =P hehehehe.there i was, buying cleanser, paying to the salesgirl, while playing with the kitten. unusual? you tell me.
well, the salesgirl was very sweet. saya nk amik kucing ni bawak balik rumah. awak suka kucing ek? hehe. comel kan? hahahaha. i just said yeap, suka. tak takut orang pulak kucing ni. miaw.
hihi. such a nonsensical post, isnt it? but that salesgirl was very sweet. oh and the kitten too. thank you kitty, for being the ice breaker of the moment. hahaha.
ps:its even weirder that a cat can enter guardian pharmacy. =)
its the time of the year again, ramadhan. frankly, of late, i showed indifference even when ramadhan approaching. i just go with my life because i was just very engrossed in thinking bout career, interviews, and graduation. but now when im in ramadhan itself, it feels real.
this year, im trying to have more efforts in ramadhan. i was pretty lost, and i talked a lot to myself these past few months. not good. in need of social life, AS well as spiritual life. plus i definitely in need to work on my emo-ness, right? hehe.
this blog is known to very few. and trust me, VERY few. =P because for the obvious > i trust these few NOT to share it unknowingly to others. [please honour this =)] oh plus i tend to rant here a lot, just about everything. and not everything should be known by everybody. :P
today, i went for terawikh. whew, quite nice to be frank. and off i went to guardian to purchase oxy cleanser. oh the salesgirl, she looks very warm! manis muka, kata org melayu. and suddenly a kitten came in. to be frank, the kitten was cuter. =P hehehehe.there i was, buying cleanser, paying to the salesgirl, while playing with the kitten. unusual? you tell me.
well, the salesgirl was very sweet. saya nk amik kucing ni bawak balik rumah. awak suka kucing ek? hehe. comel kan? hahahaha. i just said yeap, suka. tak takut orang pulak kucing ni. miaw.
hihi. such a nonsensical post, isnt it? but that salesgirl was very sweet. oh and the kitten too. thank you kitty, for being the ice breaker of the moment. hahaha.
ps:its even weirder that a cat can enter guardian pharmacy. =)
Monday, August 9, 2010
2am - this song
random stuff.
-mamaduke papaduke bought this one electric therapy machine. it sort of helps in blood circulation (as per the manual book). i dont really give a damn about it, but i read something along the line "skin problem & allergies", straightaway it caught my attention. try battle with acne for 10 years, you'll know why. ;p
-im writing a lot these days. facebook, blog, twitter, tumblr, name it. and im happy with it. sorry for the troubles if you have to read it. somehow when i write about stuff, it makes me feel less agitated. social awkwardness tingtong
-so far my posts have been in full english (here in blogsphere i mean). i hope to keep it that way =)
- my cat is not going back home. wonder where she had been all this while. come back Amidala!
-i am in the process of thinking back and forth, going through all phone line carriers that give the best deal. its about time i use postpaid instead of prepaid. but then again, am i prepared for it? i dont know and not too sure.
-i hate dogs that bark nonstop. and my neighbours' dogs (the front house and two houses on our left) have these super duper annoying barking, the high pitch ones, that really call for attention. i hate it. i especially loathed them during exam weeks. seriously, to the owners, please be more responsible. dont punish them, nor push them etc, but feed them. those dogs just need your attention, NOT ours. so please. btw i saw my neighbour sort of keep on hitting their cages. not helping at all. why bother having them when you cant even take care of them? sheesh bodoh punya olang.
-the weather is indeed quite heaty lately, havent it?
-lately im hooked to Spa-Q the tv series. the acting is somehow plain kayu among them, the transition between shots were very lacking if you compare with the likes gossip girls etc. but im still hooked. maybe because as annoying as the storyline can be, it reflects our life. damn.
im just bored, so i write.
-mamaduke papaduke bought this one electric therapy machine. it sort of helps in blood circulation (as per the manual book). i dont really give a damn about it, but i read something along the line "skin problem & allergies", straightaway it caught my attention. try battle with acne for 10 years, you'll know why. ;p
-im writing a lot these days. facebook, blog, twitter, tumblr, name it. and im happy with it. sorry for the troubles if you have to read it. somehow when i write about stuff, it makes me feel less agitated. social awkwardness tingtong
-so far my posts have been in full english (here in blogsphere i mean). i hope to keep it that way =)
- my cat is not going back home. wonder where she had been all this while. come back Amidala!
-i am in the process of thinking back and forth, going through all phone line carriers that give the best deal. its about time i use postpaid instead of prepaid. but then again, am i prepared for it? i dont know and not too sure.
-i hate dogs that bark nonstop. and my neighbours' dogs (the front house and two houses on our left) have these super duper annoying barking, the high pitch ones, that really call for attention. i hate it. i especially loathed them during exam weeks. seriously, to the owners, please be more responsible. dont punish them, nor push them etc, but feed them. those dogs just need your attention, NOT ours. so please. btw i saw my neighbour sort of keep on hitting their cages. not helping at all. why bother having them when you cant even take care of them? sheesh bodoh punya olang.
-the weather is indeed quite heaty lately, havent it?
-lately im hooked to Spa-Q the tv series. the acting is somehow plain kayu among them, the transition between shots were very lacking if you compare with the likes gossip girls etc. but im still hooked. maybe because as annoying as the storyline can be, it reflects our life. damn.
im just bored, so i write.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
aaliyah - i miss you
its only been one day, but ive already miss you like crazy.
i feel your warmth in my hand.
your look made me smile.
please, come back fast. i miss you. BB.
hahaha!
but truly, i want to hold you. i know i have to be real; 1 week is quite the impossible but im really praying to Allah that the phone will be as good as brand new within this week. amin.
ps: i seriously do not know what i should do, as i have to wait for 10 days (10 days, or 10 working days?) for the news from P**. gotta wait gotta wait.
pss: this phone problem actually kinda ruin my mood in a way. forgive me if im quite emo-ish in twitter or facebook. we plan, God decides.
pss: ramadhan approaching! this year probably will be slightly different than years before. as im no longer that responsible towards study etc, so perhaps i will make fill my time with beneficial actions. =)
i feel your warmth in my hand.
your look made me smile.
please, come back fast. i miss you. BB.
hahaha!
but truly, i want to hold you. i know i have to be real; 1 week is quite the impossible but im really praying to Allah that the phone will be as good as brand new within this week. amin.
ps: i seriously do not know what i should do, as i have to wait for 10 days (10 days, or 10 working days?) for the news from P**. gotta wait gotta wait.
pss: this phone problem actually kinda ruin my mood in a way. forgive me if im quite emo-ish in twitter or facebook. we plan, God decides.
pss: ramadhan approaching! this year probably will be slightly different than years before. as im no longer that responsible towards study etc, so perhaps i will make fill my time with beneficial actions. =)
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